Father’s Day

Yes, it has been a week since Father’s Day, the relatively unrecognized counterpart to the much lauded Mother’s Day.
For Mother’s Day, expectations are high and the media is flooded with advertisements from restaurants, floral companies, perfumers and confectioners, among others.
Fathers, on the other hand, are lucky to get a tie, underwear, some socks or maybe some power tools (unless he really wanted this, it’s the equivalent of getting a woman a vacuum cleaner).
Don’t think it’s that bad? There are apparently some really lousy gifts out there.

Here at home, crab dishes are a cemented tradition on Father’s Day. Anecdotally (through casual conversations and listening to talk shows), a lot of men wish that a bit more thought and effort was placed in their special day.

So, I spent the week thinking about how I could put a different spin on this confession. Then I decided to ask some of my male colleagues their thoughts on fatherhood as a physician.
(Disclaimer: this survey was completely informal, with no scientific methodology applied.)
There were some common themes present throughout:

“What do you enjoy most about being a father?”

They enjoy the unconditional love and trust their children have in them. Being enthusiastically greeted with hugs after a long day didn’t hurt either. One father in particular was proud to make a positive difference in his children’s lives through good parenting.

“Did you ever have to miss an important family event due to work, and if so, how did you feel about it?”

The general consensus was a resounding “YES!”
From the routine PTA meeting to the birth of their children, these male docs admit to missing out on quite a bit. However, they expressed less concern about their own feelings, and were more worried about how their children felt about their absence. One dad lamented that his daughter was “old enough to understand that Daddy had to go to work”, and thus could not spend as much time with her. Another dad said that he learned from past experiences, and now makes it a point to not miss anything.

Who do you feel has it easier as parents, female docs or you guys, and why?

This question drew mixed responses. There were thoughts that women, because of their maternal instincts and desire for physical bonding especially during the infancy and toddlerhood stages, had a more difficult time being separated from their children.
Generally, however, the fathers felt that they were equal partners with the moms in parenting their children. They aspire to continue school pick-ups and support extracurricular activities, and to be as present and involved as they possibly can.

Do you feel Father’s Day is underappreciated compared to your counterpart’s [day]?

The general consensus is “definitely“!
I just had to highlight some of the responses:
“I will throw rocks at anyone who buys me crab!” (See?? Told you they were tired.)
“I hate both (Mother’s and Father’s Day)… [because of the] obvious capitalistic exploitation of a parental role.”

Damnnnnn!!! Ouch! 😀 

Conclusions

Father’s Day is very much underrated compared to Mother’s Day. Some feel that the lack of involvement of many fathers contributes to the relative lack of appreciation.
“Hopefully, someday this will change”, one dad said.
Another father summed things up quite succinctly:
“Kids are only [kids] for a season, work is for almost a lifetime; therefore take time to enjoy your kids. Once I remember the reason I do what I do, it doesn’t matter any longer [if we go unrecognized].”

So Happy Belated Father’s Day to all the great physician dads out there! Thank you for defying the stereotype of being the less-involved parent, and being a stellar doc to boot.
May you be appreciated every day!